


Mine

by JAJAngmyeon



Series: of stars and alternate universes [15]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Romance, SoonHoon as exes, Soonhoon - Freeform, based on that snhn crumbs in bumzu's concert, it's been years i still dont know how to tag, listen to what kind of future while reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26385043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAJAngmyeon/pseuds/JAJAngmyeon
Summary: Lee Jihoon is invited to perform on his Bumzu hyung’s concert not knowing that on the sea of people inside the venue, there’s another person watching him — Kwon Soonyoung, his ex-boyfriend.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: of stars and alternate universes [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1336945
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written: February 2, 2020
> 
> This is based on that day in which Bumzu invited both SoonHoon in his concert and Jihoon sang "What King of Future". I saw a video that made WKOF already sadder than it already is... and it made me do this.
> 
> Not full angst. I don't do full angst. *coughs Of Sunsets and Sunrise*. Very short but I hope you enjoy~

Jihoon breathed deeply. It’s been long since he faced the crowd. If it wasn’t for his Bumzu _hyung_ ’s constant pleas, he wouldn’t even dare sing this song. The one song he’s been hiding on his drafts for god knows how long, without really any plans to let it see the light of day.

The song reminds him of a certain _someone_... no, to say that it reminds him is an understatement because he actually wrote it for that certain _someone_.

_“As if nothing happened_

_I told myself that this is all a dream_

_When I close my eyes and opened them again I wanted to wake up in relief...”_

Moving on, it’s as easy as deleting a file in your PC, they say. For Jihoon, it’s writing a song over and over again without actually finishing it. It's that one song stuck in your head that you won't be able to continue writing without having to look back on the memories. By memories, it meant happy and painful memories combined. While the happy memories outnumber the painful ones, at the end of the day, the way those memories ended would always outweigh the good ones. In their case, it ended... _not well_.

_“Our future that didn’t line up_

_If I could go back in time_

_Rather than roughly but warmly_

_Would I be able to let you go?”_

Forgetting someone you really love is like trying to remember someone you haven’t even met. Two years have passed by but Jihoon’s heart stayed the same. It's unfair how time and people are passing by but his heart... His heart stays to where that person left him. Why is he stuck with them until now? Why can't he move forward just like the rest? That someone is worse than the last song stuck to your head the whole day. For two years, that person and his memories haunt him like broken tapes playing repeatedly inside his mind...and heart. _Unfair, unfair, unfair..._

_“When we weren’t over_

_As I held onto what’s left_

_You let go of me as I refused...”_

Jihoon could still remember that day. That one rainy day he let go of that person’s hand. Jihoon promised himself he’d do everything so they would always be together. That he’ll never let this person slip away so he tightened his hold on the other’s hand. But what can a tight hold do when the other person’s hand is slowly slipping away from you. What can Jihoon's hold can do when the other person isn't even willing to fight for him too? And so... believing it’s for the best for the two of them, Jihoon finally _let go_.

Jihoon couldn’t do anything but to hole up inside his studio, writing songs nonstop hoping that someday, all the feelings he kept inside of him will go away as he transferred all of them into a song.

_“Although I want to see you, I miss you_

_Although I hate you, I miss you_

_I don’t understand myself as well...”_

But he’s wrong... It’s not how it works. He felt tears streaming down his face. His song came to an end but his feelings didn’t...

_Soonyoung, I miss you..._

After his song, Jihoon quickly wiped his tears. He didn’t want everyone to question him as to why he’s crying during a performance. Soon after, Bumzu went up on stage as well for small talk. He thanked him for agreeing to perform at his concert.

“Woozi always has this one expression whenever he is done making a song that he really likes. He’ll send it to me via email so I could listen then he’ll come knocking at my door with a huge smile on his face while crossing his fingers like this.” Bumzu imitated Jihoon. The audience laughed because of that. Even Jihoon couldn’t help himself from chuckling. “But now that I think about it...” Bumzu sighed. “When he let me listen to _this_ song, he doesn’t have that huge smile on his face. He—" The older looked at him and when he noticed the change in Jihoon’s expression, he sighed deeply. “Well, this song—"

“Yeah, I spent hours crying because of this,” Jihoon admitted, with a smile on his face. This particular song is the longest song to finish. Every word, every note, it made him come back to every moment, every touch, every day he's with that person and it's not really something Jihoon's heart could take for just a day so that explains why. 

The small talk finished and Bumzu thanked him again before he bid goodbye to the audience. He took the stairs when the lights suddenly dimmed and he stumbled. Luckily, someone caught him. The warmth made Jihoon tense. It was like his skin burnt from the contact so he quickly pulled away. _Am I that touch-deprived..._ “Thank y—"

“Jihoon...”

Jihoon froze. The voice... it’s too... it’s too familiar... It’s the voice he missed the most. _No, it's the voice he loathes the most..._ “Soonyoung...”

Bumzu appeared next to them with what looks like an apologetic expression on his face. “Woozi-ya, I... actually have another guest.”

Jihoon’s mind logged off. A thousand thoughts already playing inside his mind. Did Soonyoung hear his song? Did he hear...everything? _Oh, fuck that._

His first instinct is to quickly run to his dressing room to pack his things. Inside, he saw his best friend Wonwoo, waiting for him. “Jihoon, congrat—"

“Won, we’re getting out of here,” Jihoon said, with a sense of urgency. His head is empty, the thought of getting away from there the only thing filling his mind. It was like being inside the same space with Soonyoung would kill him. Well, it would kill him. _It was like being trapped inside a maze...without exit._

However, as they were about to exit the venue, Jihoon heard that voice again... He stopped on his tracks then made his way to watch Soonyoung performing on stage while singing _that_ song.

“I thought we’re going out of here? Are you a Soonyoung magnet, Jihoon?” Wonwoo teased.

“The audacity.” Jihoon gritted his teeth. Apparently, what Soonyoung is singing is the song he made for him. It’s that song he wrote for him before they started dating.

“This track is given by Woozi, who’s like a family...” Soonyoung sang as he winked to the crowd. _The fucking audacity of this asshole..._

“Any plans on ‘ _getting out of here_ ’, best friend?” Wonwoo quoted in the air.

“Fuck, I have to get my royalties for that song, Won.”

Wonwoo shook his head as he watched Jihoon walked towards the backstage again. Jihoon went straight to Soonyoung’s dressing room. The other just finished performing, his hair full of sweat.

It almost made Jihoon swoon but he composed himself. “How dare you sing _my_ song?!”

“What?!” Soonyoung asked, confused, but his eyes soft as he looked at fuming Jihoon in front of him.

“If you’d sing my song, at least inform me and give me my royalties,” Jihoon demanded.

Soonyoung chuckled at the way Jihoon fumed. Even after all these years, he still finds it cute. He crossed his arms and pretended to be angry too.“You already gave it to me. So, technically, that’s _mine_ now.” Soonyoung replied. He knows how royalties work. He just wanted to tease Jihoon just like the old times. _Yeah, just like the old times..._ He tried to ignore the sudden pang inside his chest.

“I-I’ll sue you! That song is still composed by me.” Jihoon snapped.

“Then, you should be giving me royalties too. I’m the inspiration to some of your songs!” Soonyoung shouted back. 

Jihoon froze with what Soonyoung said. He suddenly forgot how to talk. It was as if he swallowed all the words he wanted to say earlier. He is too weak, he has to quickly avert his gaze because he’s drowning again. He’s drowning in those eyes filled with stars again. _No, Jihoon, not again..._

Thankfully, the door opened and it revealed the man who’s the reason for their reunion. He smiled at the two of them. “There you are! I thought you ditched me to go on a date again just like the old times.”

“Bumzu hyung!” They said in unison.

“Oops!” Bumzu chuckled then noticed the tense air between his two younger brothers. "What's happening here?"

“I...I have to go.” Jihoon said. He wants the ground to swallow him whole. He is not supposed to be there. He should be running away as soon as he saw Soonyoung. Apparently, he’s a Soonyoung magnet. _He still is..._

There’s a force more powerful than the North and the South pole that makes him go to Soonyoung no matter how much he says he won’t ever do that again. He won’t ever go to Soonyoung again... All of them, thrown out of the window the moment he heard Soonyoung’s voice. It just took him a few seconds of hearing Soonyoung's voice and Jihoon is back to square one again. This is so unfair. 

Seeing how Soonyoung doesn't look as much affected like him made him shatter and feel smaller than it already is. Years and months of trying to forget him proved to be useless just by Soonyoung's mere presence in front of him. Lee Jihoon, why do you have this weak, weak heart? And why is your heart weak for Kwon Soonyoung? _Of all people, why ...him?_

“But... Jihoon, it’s been long since we all hang out together. Please stay for the after-party.” Bumzu asked.

“Hyung, I...” He couldn’t find the words to say. There's a huge lump inside his throat that he couldn't come out. Staying in the same space as Soonyoung is dangerous for his heart, Jihoon thought. 

“No, Jihoon, stay. I’ll be the one to go if...” Soonyoung bit his lip. “If my presence makes you uncomfortable...”

“Not everything’s about you, idiot!”

“Then why are you insisting on leaving?”

“I-I... I have plans with Won!”

“Tell me a better lie, Won already left!”

Jihoon fumed. See, how dangerous it is if he and Kwon Soonyoung stay in the same space. _He wanted to run away but at the same time, he also wants to stay..._

They continued arguing until Bumzu couldn’t take it any longer. “All I want is one...” Bumzu sighed deeply. “One peaceful dinner. Can’t you at least give me that?!”

And so, next thing Jihoon knew, he’s already waiting for their orders inside the restaurant that they frequently go to. The place where they always go... It holds many memories and it’s definitely not helping.

Soonyoung went back and Jihoon didn’t know if he’s doing it on purpose to rile Jihoon up but if he is, it’s working. The guy sat in front of him with a huge smile on his face.

“Oh, that polo looks familiar, Soonyoung. Where did I see that?” Bumzu asked, clueless. 

“That’s mine!”

“It’s Jihoon’s gift.”

They both answered in chorus.

Jihoon glared at the other guy. “What do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to piss me off?”

“What? It’s my favorite shirt.”

“Take that off! That’s _mine_ too.”

“You’ve been saying ‘ _this is mine, that’s mine_ ’ ever since we saw each other again, Lee Jihoon,” Soonyoung said, nonchalantly.

“I’m just trying to take back what’s mine!” Jihoon said, still gritting his teeth.

Soonyoung looked at him teasingly. “What’s _yours_? Then...you should take this back too.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened when Soonyoung pointed to himself... not just himself but to his... _crotch_. “W-What the —What are you even doing?” Jihoon gulped.

“You should take back my boxers too. I’m wearing that one I borrowed from you.” Soonyoung snickered. “Should I take it off?” Soonyoung stood up acting like he'll really take off his pants in front of everyone to which made Jihoon cover his eyes and yell at the other to stop.

Bumzu just facepalmed at his two younger friends. He’s starting to regret he invited them both but what can he do? He missed them so much. Ever since Soonyoung went to Japan to pursue his dreams, they never got the chance to hang out again.

Just in time, the food finally came.

Jihoon tried to distract himself with the food. He was about to drink, hoping it’d make the blush go away when a hand stopped him. “What now?”

Soonyoung looked at him intently. “You _can’t_ drink.” Jihoon scoffed.

“Who are you to say that?”

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung called his name again and it's certainly not helping. Soonyoung calling Jihoon's name still gives him that warm feeling swirling inside his chest. It was as if his name is the most beautiful when it came from Soonyoung's lips. _He hates it... Jihoon hates that feeling..._

Jihoon laughed bitterly. He took the drink from Soonyoung’s hold, stared at Soonyoung’s eyes then said painfully, “Kwon Soonyoung, people _change_.” He gulped the drink in one go as Soonyoung stared at him worriedly. People change, he says. But why does his heart stays the same? 

Just like what the lyrics to his song say, he hates the fact that even if he hates the person in front of him so bad, his stupid heart couldn’t help but be happy at the fact that he’s here... _Soonyoung’s here_... And it makes him crazy just by thinking about that.

He’s supposed to hate him. His mind knows he should. But he figures what Wonwoo said about him is true. Lee Jihoon, no matter how many times he denies it, he writes songs with his heart, not with his mind. Jihoon is a heart-over-mind person.

And Kwon Soonyoung...

Kwon Soonyoung will always be the song he’ll always love hearing, singing... even if it hurts. Even if it fucking hurts...

And so, what Jihoon does is distract himself with the drinks. Hoping that it could drown his sad reality. The sad reality that even if Soonyoung is right in front of him, he won’t ever know if he’ll be able to call him _mine_ again. It was the easiest when he puts a claim on his song, on that shirt, and on that boxers. But the painful, painful truth is that he won't ever be able to claim the person holding those things...again. 

On the other hand, Soonyoung looked at the drunk Jihoon in front of him. He barely drank any liquor because he’s busy monitoring the other guy. Letting go of someone you love so much is like watching your life slip away in front of you.

That night... Soonyoung sighed. He didn’t want to remember that night. Turning his back to Jihoon without looking back is the most painful thing he’s ever done all his life. Letting go of someone you deeply love with all your heart and soul, with every piece of him, it's the worst thing someone could ever do. _But he has no choice..._

“Jihoon! I told you not to get drunk!” Bumzu shook his head.

“I’ll take him home hyung.”

Bumzu isn’t even surprised. He just nodded his head with a fond smile on his face that made Soonyoung confused. Bumzu knew what happened between him and Jihoon. Given that they're both his friends, Soonyoung thought Bumzu will be on Jihoon's side. That's why when he got a call from the older asking him to perform in his concert too, he was so shocked. He didn't know he'd still have a place after leaving Jihoon here, all alone. 

“Aren’t you going to stop me?”

The older just laughed. He's a witness to how wrecked Jihoon became when Soonyoung left him. But he also knew about Soonyoung's pain coming into that decision.

And sometimes, time just doesn't heal the wounds. He knows inviting both of them is a gamble. But he could at least try, right? Who knows there would be two less lonely, wrecked persons after his concert. “No. Jihoon would murder me when he wakes up tomorrow but I think you’ll survive the night.” He patted Soonyoung’s shoulder.

Soonyoung bit his lip. He realized it’s been two years. He didn’t know what happened to Jihoon on those two years in an attempt not to distract both of them from achieving each other’s goals. “His address—"

“He’s still staying there. He never moved out.”

Soonyoung felt his heart race. So, all this time, Jihoon has been staying on their shared house ever since he left. “You mean to say—"

“He insists it’s because he’s too busy and lazy to find a new place but it’s just a secret I always saw him hugging your tiger plushies.”

Soonyoung carefully placed Jihoon's one arm over his shoulder. He took one last glance to Bumzu before he takes Jihoon home. "Bumzu hyung."

"Hmm?"

"Do you think there's still a place for a... _second_ chance?"

The older just looked at them and smiled. "You listened to his song tonight, right?" Soonyoung nodded and it prompted Bumzu to continue. "Second chances are made because we, humans, aren't perfect. We're always bound to make mistakes." He saw Soonyoung glancing at Jihoon in his arms. "Just like how Jihoon completed that song for the longest time, deleting, replacing the lyrics, debating if he'll finish it or not, there are just some songs that we won't be able to get out of our heads until you give it a chance and write it again." 

"Do I deserve...it?"

Bumzu drank another shot of soju then answered the younger, "Hearing Jihoon's song, what do you think?"

And so, the next thing Soonyoung knew, with Jihoon’s shoulder on his one arm, he's already staring at the door of their shared house, his heart pounding inside his chest. He tried to input the passcode he remembered from two years ago and he was shocked when it opened.

_0-6-1-5_

“Idiot Lee Jihoon, why didn’t you changed the passcode?”

He carefully lay Jihoon down on the bed. He looked around their shared home and teared up. The bed is still surrounded by tiger plushies he left, the glow-in-the-dark stars still glowing on their room's ceiling. Everything is the same...just like how he remembered it. The pang inside his heart grew even more painful.

He went to the bathroom to get a basin of water and he was surprised to see that his toothbrush is still there too. Soonyoung's tears started rolling down his cheeks. “You are an idiot, Lee Jihoon.”

When he went back to their room with the basin of water and a wet towel, he sat beside Jihoon and swept away the stray hairs on Jihoon’s forehead. He smiled when he realized Jihoon has been taking care of his hair now. He always warns him about being bald before he left.

Soonyoung was about to wipe Jihoon’s face when he felt a hand on his wrist. He quickly wiped his tears. “J-Jihoon...Bumzu hyung is too drunk so he asked me to take you home.”

Jihoon got up, looking like a lost kid. He stared at Soonyoung and pointed at him. “Mine.”

Soonyoung thought it’s the shirt he’s wearing. That one they’re arguing earlier. “Oh, yes. I get it, it’s yours.” He took off the polo and gave it to Jihoon.

The other just pouted more. He pointed at something again. “ _Mine_.”

Soonyoung looked at his crotch. “Jihoon, I was just joking earlier. I’m not wearing your boxers.” He laughed nervously. “And— do you really expect me to take this off too?”

Jihoon pouted like a little kid again. He stared at Soonyoung, a blush creeping up his face. “Mine!”

Soonyoung shook his head. This is why he didn’t want Jihoon to drink. He’s actually afraid no one would be there to take care of him. “Your royalties? Okay, how much do I need to pay for—" He was about to go and find his wallet when he felt arms wrapped around his waist.

“J-Jihoon...” Soonyoung breathed deeply.

“Where do you think you’re going? I said... _mine_.” Jihoon said, his voice not containing the playfulness it has earlier.

“I’m—" Soonyoung stirred but felt his shirt getting wet. Jihoon’s crying...

“Can you tell me this isn’t a dream?” Jihoon sniffed, his voice muffled because he buried his face on Soonyoung’s back. “Soonyoung, can you... can you be _mine_ again— no, can I be yours again, please?” Jihoon sobbed and it made Soonyoung’s heart clench.

Hearing the strongest person he knew cry and to know that he’s the reason behind it, it breaks his heart into tiny million pieces. “Jihoon...”

“Can’t I let you go again?” He hugged Soonyoung tighter. “I already achieved one of my dreams. Can you make my other one come true?”

Soonyoung turned and faced Jihoon, his tears streaming down his face too. He wiped Jihoon’s tears away then asked, “What’s your other dream, Jihoon?”

The other stared in his eyes for god knows how long before replying to Soonyoung’s question. “Can’t you come back to me?”

What Soonyoung did next is what he knew he should have done the moment he caught Jihoon earlier after watching him perform that song. That song... he knew is for him. That song he knows how much Jihoon poured his heart into. The song...Jihoon wrote and sang for him.

Soonyoung cupped Jihoon’s cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss full of longing. Two years' worth of kiss for two hearts separated by the need to be apart so they can grow separately and be a better person for each other.

“Can you be _mine_ again, Soonyoung?”

“I was, I am and I will always be _yours_ , Jihoon.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are highly-appreciated~


End file.
